Heal Your Relationship with Your Parents
What Would Love Do Right Now in Your Formative Relationships?
As a newborn baby, you smell so good and feel so soft. You are kissable and huggable. You express yourself fully, holding nothing back. Even when you fill your diaper, others see it as an accomplishment.
Newborn babies are so miraculous. They are fresh, untouched, and unscathed by life, love, boys, girls, parents, school, other kids, or siblings. They are pure and precious. Each of us enters the world in this state.
So, what happened? When does this begin to change for us? What happened is life in its fullest measure with all its giving and taking, its longings, disappointments, pleasures, pains, hurt, trauma, abuse, and even death. Over time, we become hardened, dry, unexpressive, angry, bitter, and mean; sometimes we even get abusive. You may not know any other way to be; you may take things out on others around you, especially those you love the most, and the cycle continues. You may be asking, “Is this all there is? There has to be more to life than this.” I am here to tell you…there is!
Your Relationship with Your Parents
Loving and being loved fully starts by healing your relationship with your parents. It’s never too late, even if they are deceased or no longer in your life. Most of your current reality stems from unresolved past experiences while growing up with your parent(s) or primary caregiver(s).
As a young child, the world was all about you and you believed everything bad that happened was YOUR FAULT. For example: if your mother was crying, it was your fault; if your father was angry, it was your fault; if your parents divorced, it was your fault. As a result, you may have thought, “If I were more helpful, my mother wouldn’t be sad,” “If I were quieter, my father wouldn’t yell,” or “If I behaved better, they wouldn’t get divorced.”
As a teenager, you may have shifted the blame to your parents believing every bad thing that happened to you was THEIR FAULT. For example: if your boyfriend broke up with you, it was somehow your mother’s fault; if you didn’t make the team, it was somehow your father’s fault; if you failed your driver’s test, it was somehow your parents’ fault. As a result, you may have thought, “There’s something wrong with me,” “I’m unlovable,” or “I can’t count on anyone.”
As an adult, you may have come to understand that your parents did the best they could, and yet they were less than ideal parents. Like you, your parents were once children. They also experienced many unmet needs, disappointments, hurts, betrayals, and feelings that were never resolved. Like you, out of these unresolved experiences, they drew negative conclusions and developed beliefs about themselves, others, relationships, finances, and life in general, such as: “I’m unworthy and don’t deserve anything good,” “Men hurt me/Women smother me,” or “Life is unsafe and scary.”
It’s important to note that your parents behaved as if these conclusions, beliefs, and judgments were true—they could not be or act any other way— and neither can you.
However, if your inner child is still harboring feelings of hurt and betrayal, or any experiences of neglect, abandonment, or abuse, resolving them— putting them in the past where they belong—can free you to be the person you know you can be.
Completing the Inquiry to Resolution: My Relationship with My Parents worksheet, is an opportunity to identify the earlier experiences, unresolved feelings, and conclusions you came to about yourself, others, and life that are currently keeping you from attaining the extraordinary life you are here to live. It is never too late to have a great relationship with your parents.
Your Relationship with Others
While you were growing up, in addition to your relationship with your parent(s), your relationships with other people also continue to have an impact on how you relate to others in your day-to-day life.
Consider, as a child, there were moments in your relationships with your playmates or siblings when you may have felt jealous, superior, protective, rejected, shamed, etc. Also, you may have felt forced to interact and be on your best behavior with other family members—grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins. During your school years, how your teachers and coaches related to you may have had a significant effect on your beliefs about your own intelligence, capacity to learn, and ability to compete. All of these relationships continue to affect how you relate to yourself and others, your self-confidence, as well as your view of life today.
Completing the Inquiry to Resolution: My Relationship with Others worksheet, is an opportunity to identify these experiences and uncover the associations and limiting beliefs you developed that are keeping you from attaining the extraordinary life you are here to live.
Enjoy this excerpt from Chapter 3 in my Amazon #1 best-selling book, What Would Love Do Right Now? A Guide to Living an Extraordinary Life.
Victoria Benoit, M.C.
Healer, Speaker, Bestselling Author