Restore Personal Power When Triggered
What Would Love Do Right Now in Restoring Your Power?
A loss of personal power often occurs when you have what is called a triggered response. This happens when you are going along great in life, then someone comes too close, says or does something unexpected, you see/hear/ smell something, and—BAM—you have an emotional reaction that feels out of proportion and/or inappropriate relative to what just happened. These triggers call up negative or hurtful experiences from the past, which impact your feelings, thoughts, and behaviors in the present. Your response can be big or small, immediate or sneak up on you slowly—it usually comes from traumatic, upsetting, unresolved, or suppressed memories. When you are reacting in this way, you have less power to be present and take appropriate action.
Since I have introduced Bernie to the question, what would love do right now, when he notices I’m triggered he reminds me to use it. He simply looks into my eyes and says, “Honey, what would love do right now?” That brings me to the present and I say, “Oh, love would relax and take a deep breath. I’m going to take some time right now to figure out what this is all about. See you in a bit.” He kindly replies, “I’ll be here when you’re finished. Let me know if you need anything from me.” Then I use the Restoring My Power process to explore the incident that triggered me, release the past, and heal my heart.
I recommend you do this for yourself when you are triggered. It will set you free to love again. It will also set others free. I was able to resolve one of my recurring upsets triggered by Bernie’s behavior, through inquiring into what caused it, then choosing to make my needs a priority, and restoring my power.
I used to get quite angry and feel disrespected on the many mornings that Bernie left a mess in the kitchen before going to work. When I examined what bothered me so much about it, I remembered the first time my mom got home from work before I had cleaned the house to her strict standards. She started yelling, “I can’t believe you didn’t do what I asked. You are so ungrateful. I work hard to keep us in a nice neighborhood.” I concluded right then that being accepted depended on knowing the rules and obeying them to the letter, and that people who don’t clean up after themselves are ungrateful slobs. I was then able to share with Bernie in a new way. I let him know what I had discovered about the rules I have for being socially acceptable, and how I saw his behavior as being disrespectful and dishonoring me, whenever he left a mess in the kitchen. This provided us with the opportunity to lovingly work together to express our needs and desires and create a plan that worked for both of us.
Enjoy this excerpt from Chapter 9 in my Amazon #1 best-selling book, What Would Love Do Right Now? A Guide to Living an Extraordinary Life.
Victoria Benoit, M.C.
Healer, Speaker, Bestselling Author